What is Matriarchal Therapy?

Not pathologizing the response to harm. Using therapy to heal and hold the threat accountable.

I believe some people are evil and should not receive empathy. It is not that I believe they are evil at their core, but they choose not to heal and to harm others. That makes them evil, and they should be removed from existence.

I do not believe that people cannot choose their behaviour. I’ve studied abuse, and they are capable of deciding when and where to inflict it. If they choose to harm others, they have lost all my compassion. This isn’t a part talking. This is me recognizing both the trauma in them and their choice to abuse others.

All-out compassion with no sense of evil in this world is not self-behaviour. That is a part of acting out in appeasement and please, fawning. The self recognizes that sometimes, primal security must occur.

This insight has released a lot of heaviness in me that I was holding as a responsibility that wasn’t mine and has expanded my ability to be safe and protective of the vulnerable.

Remember, Mother Nature doesn’t therapize the predator. The mama bear, lioness, cougar, etc., will simply remove the threat. This is a natural instinct of protection. We have been brainwashed to ignore this instinct in humanity and enable the perpetrator rather than save ourselves and our community. And this is why we live as trapped people in a world built on corruption.

Healing From Harm, Matriarchal Style

I practice matriarchal therapy where we return to our given gifts by Mother Earth to heal our traumas and deal with abuse and social injustice. Honour your instincts. Use them when necessary. Learn the distinction between healing and enabling. Love and protection are not exclusive. The body knows what to do, including fighting and removing acts of harm. Use critical thinking and connection when possible. When not possible, act to save the one being harmed.

What is more helpful for someone who has been stripped of their power:

1. Keeping them in a constant victim mindset, focusing on fixing their response to abuse?

2. Helping them heal by building their autonomy to choose how to respond to abuse?

The first approach does not address the actions the victim must take outside of therapy. In contrast, the second approach equips them to navigate their daily lives, rebuild their sense of strength, and regain their autonomy, ultimately enabling them to leave the abusive situation and/or hold their abuser accountable to prevent further harm.

Constantly emphasizing therapeutic techniques can keep the victim in a state of freeze and fawn, which restricts their ability to move toward recovery. To regain nervous system regulation and restore their sense of strength, individuals must shift toward the fight-and-flight response when a threat arises.

• Fight is the option when you can remove the threat.
• Flight is the option when you can remove yourself from the threat.
• Freeze is the option when you cannot do either, so you fake death to avoid further harm.
• Fawn is the option when you must appease the threat to keep him from kicking you while you are down.

As you can see, the ladder moves in the direction of power and safety when we can go from fawn to fight. Flow returns when the threat is removed.

A therapist focused solely on victim care, although essential, without guiding the individual through the stages of recovery toward a sense of self, will keep the victim in a state of fawning or freezing. This approach does not prepare them to face their threats. Life presents us with threats constantly, and the patriarchal system is built upon that concept. To restore a sense of justice and security, we must challenge the patriarchal notion of being solely a victim and never fighting back.

We need to learn how to fight back or, at the very least, flee.

Matriarchal Therapy

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