She is powerful.
And not powerful.
Easily overridden.
But always there waiting, watching, and persevering.
A girl sitting aside, watching the commotion in front of her.
Not participating. Not hiding. But staying still so as not to be a part of it.
But not removing herself from it.
There is some comfort in the white noise.
But never consistent peace.
Buzzing.

Poem by Laura Rose

Tug of War

I have resistance to living as my authentic self. There is a persistent tug of war inside my head about what I should do and doing nothing at all. My authentic self comes through to push the players away, and I’m left with a calm hum of peace, content to simply be or do something I enjoy. But it doesn’t last long. Minutes. Because the buzzing returns, and I don’t feel so powerful anymore.

I seem to be powerful enough to preserve and find myself in the war but not enough to remain there. Maybe it just requires practice. Maybe I need to find a solution to remove the war once and for all. I’m unsure, but those moments of inner peace and authenticity are the best part of my life.

Welcome to Exclusive Content

I have been quiet for a while as my marriage ends and my journey towards self begins from a place of peace instead of war. I will be blogging here exclusively for a while for two reasons: privacy while I go through legal separation and building my own financial security. I appreciate your support. Please do offer feedback.