Meeting my mother wound is giving me myself back.

The abandoned child inside of you will scream until you feed it. The psyche has split her off from you so you could avoid crumbling under her pain, but no matter what you do, she is there like a tic, constantly screaming at the back of your mind. She longs to be free again.

She is the wound of the unsafe mother.

I finally met mine.

She yells at me at how I betrayed her. She tells me I cannot keep doing things she is not ready for. So very young, she feels like a split personality – I am not her until triggered, then I am.

I could not handle her until recently because when I met with her, she consumed me with her pain. I could not see or feel anything but her drowning in the dismissal of my mother. But with the help of a friend and a homeopathic remedy, I had built enough Self-energy to finally face her and not identify with it.

• She sits in my belly with the disgust of having to swallow the poisonous love because it was that or nothing.
• She sits in my heart, longing for assistance. She reaches her hand out and silently breaks when no one is there.
• She sits on my neck, stuck with no voice to yell. Her vocal chords have run dry.
• She sits in the back of my head with aching and fogginess of not understanding what is happening.
• She sits on the top of my head with pressure, pushing me into the mould I need to be in order to be wanted.

I tell her I’m sorry and can finally be with her without losing myself. It’s taken so long. And I hold her. I rub all the sore spots on my body and let out the energy that had been suppressed for so long.

We are a team now. She is no longer motherless, and I am strong enough now to stay as me instead of her. It’s not perfect. There are still waves to ride, but we are a sturdy boat now instead of a ripped raft.

The most significant improvement is losing the fear of getting stuck in my wound again. That I will someday be there forever. My despair is slowly turning to hope. I am not perpetually alone with no help.

I want to tell you that it feels amazing.

I want to tell you that it is possible when the proper assistance occurs.

I am not cured but have turned a corner in my healing. I still fear some future spirals, but it’s not as big. When they come, I have more faith now that I will return, no, come out of it stronger than before.

Please keep going.

meeting my mother wound