My parents left me with a wonderful gift: contempt. I recently realized that this is my default setting in life. I often judge, sneer, and scoff when I react to a moment. It takes me a second to turn off my ego and respond from my core self. A conscious effort is required unless I am already in a state of Self. How lovely.
It makes sense. My parents are both narcissists, and I was their scapegoat. I grew up being told I was an accident and my purpose was to serve. No wonder I believed the world deserved my disgust.
Hello, contempt.
It is nice to meet you. You have been my protector since likely my birth. The world cannot hurt me if you scorn at it first.
Rediscovering love
I spent many weeks alone at my cabin this summer. With no one around except Mother Nature, who I adore, I had nothing to be contemptuous about. At first, it was an internal battle of reaction versus response: my default behaviour versus my actual identity. As time passed, contempt lessened its hold on me and embraced the waters of the lake and the smells of the large cedar trees. My return to the city brought it back in full force.
Here lies the gift of flare-ups. I now could hear it and realized that I have some trauma to undo regarding belief systems. And I know which environment I prefer to be in.
Love is my core identity when I can be somewhere I enjoy myself and be with people who like me. It turns out I love myself when I’m alone. My inner contempt is not mine. What a great way to remove some shame and feel inner peace.
What do you discover about yourself when embraced by places you love and the quiet of your home? I urge you to sit long enough to let the noise of the inherited judgment wind down.
There is belonging in aloneness when we are at nature’s side.
Big news!
In my quiet time, I developed a matriarchal church. It has been a desire of mine for a long time to have a place where women can belong, get support, and learn how Mother Nature created our divinity as females. This practice has been a foundation to my healing.
I am in the development stage but welcoming members. You may have heard of my matriarchal sermons on YouTube.
On Patreon, you will find the church where I share my sermons and writings about matriarchy and nature. You can subscribe for free or join one of my tiers for exclusive content.
Inheriting Contempt
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