When all else fails…
And I’m in the grip of horror…
I practice these things:
Utter Surrender
Utter surrender and acceptance of the situation. I will lie still and watch my body and mind do its thing. When I feel resistance to fight/flight/freeze, I watch that too and just feel the ground beneath me as I let things flow.
It is the last thing we want to do but the most helpful. It will take practice and patience.
“What we resist will persist.” Thoughts, emotions, and sensations are meant to change. It is only when we resist them that they remain.
This is much easier said than done, but it is a worthwhile practice.
I have practiced this so many times that my nervous system does it automatically now, for the most part, except for the really deep wounds I have yet to access. Those will, too, flow away when the time is right.
At first, the shift is just a few moments, seconds even. But it grows to minutes, hours, half days, days, weeks, and months with time. I doubt it will ever be gone forever, as this seems unnatural. We are humans, after all. The intensity and our ability to handle it improve.
If you cannot handle this yet, these are other great resources.
CoRegulation
I will run to whoever is available (and able) and cling for help. I will ask and ask and let them hold me, soothe me, until I feel my body settle enough to just be. I will let them reassure me and try my hardest to stop fighting it. I will accept help. I will let myself not be alone.
It is difficult to trust someone and let go. If someone will do that for you, learn to embrace it. It speaks to our deepest wounds of isolation.
Isolation feeds panic. When we cannot contain it ourselves, we need another source until we can build the capacity to do so.
I would find pockets of safety, as I call them. These were places and people where I felt my guard lower, even a little, and I had enough space to feel my fear instead of suppressing it. My favourites were Mother Nature, my pets, support groups, weighted blankets, calming YouTube videos, and therapy.
Trust takes time to build. Be patient and look for improvements that are as small as 1%. We are looking for progress, not perfection.
Expression
I will throw a temper tantrum. I will voice that trapped energy and wail to my heart’s content. I will throw, punch, scream, and rock back and forth. I will do whatever my body needs to do to move that energy. Then, I will let exhaustion take over cause there is no more fight left, and I will settle into the aftermath.
Overwhelm and panic need to move. All that pent-up energy has to go somewhere; when it can’t be expressed, it will be suppressed – move under our skin, in our blood, and run through our brains.
We freeze when we feel we cannot express ourselves. This probably occurred in the past when we didn’t feel safe enough to say our needs, and now it has built up to an intensity that seems out of control. What couldn’t be done before wants to be done now.
Like a dimmer dial, our expressions grow when we hold onto them and lower when we show them. It doesn’t have to be in front of anyone. Being mindful while screaming or kicking the air gives the expression the witness it needs to be heard. Let it all go when the time is right, and you feel safe enough.
Movement
I will walk, move around the house, and get out of stillness into actions that break the freeze. When I feel my higher brain kick in, I will contemplate what is really going on. If I can’t do that, I will move until my body has enough. Then, I will rest.
Our bodies are made for movement. Freedom from feeling engulfed occurs when we can move through it.
It can be as small as a shiver or as large as a full-out run. Your body will tell you what it needs to do. Follow your instinct, even if it looks silly. Stress gets trapped in the weirdest of ways.
When I was at my worst, I was frozen to the couch. All I could manage was moving from the bed to the fridge or rolling around the floor in pain. I did what I could.
The more I felt my panic release, the more I could move. Rolling became crawls, which became walks, which became runs. I will do lunges now or go swimming when I feel the itch. Larger moves bring out more significant wounds, so be prepared for them. It may feel awful in the short term, but the “whoosh” of it leaving your body is one of the greatest feelings in the world.
Ease the Suffering
I will take something to ease the suffering. An herb, a supplement, tea, homeopathy, medication, food, whatever my intuition (as best as it works in this state) feels is best for me at that moment. Then I practice letting go of the shame over and over until I’m ok with needing help in the form of resources.
There is nothing wrong with getting help, even from someone or something you prefer not too but need at the moment.
Healing is a marathon, not a sprint. Short-term relief at times is ok.
I had to work with my shame because my healing needed to be as perfect as my emotions. When I would take a supplement, I would beat myself up for not handling it well. It took a lot of time to undo the self-criticism and accept the help from whatever form it came from.
If you are working on your healing, let yourself enjoy times of rest with relief. It will not damage your progress or your self-worth. I promise.
Give Yourself an Experience
I will embrace myself in a sensory experience. A shower, bath, weighted blanket, a beautiful view, sounds of music or water, walking barefoot in the grass, sun on my skin, whatever hits me with an experience that takes me out of freeze and into the present moment. I let it wash over me and feel the effects on my body. I focus on that over and over again.
Meaning overrides panic because it grounds us to something we love dearly. Love does conquer fear.
Establishing meaning is not a one-time quick fix. It builds like forests do. Each seed of experience you give yourself grows in time. Your nervous system will root itself into it instead of feeling overwhelmed even when triggered. The stronger the value, the more grounded you will feel.
Many times, panic is really a loss of value. We lose ourselves in day-to-day stress or traumatic incidents. Reclaiming our identity and authenticity restores our confidence and peace. We become the 100-year-old oak tree holding steady in storms.
Mother Nature is the my key to this feeling. The more time I spend with her, the more I feel like her: strong, resilient, ready, and true.
I will practice these over and over. I pretty much always find relief.
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From panic to relief